A Fine Gentleman's Conveyance
Cix (the Compulink Information
Exchange) is a UK-based conferencing system, with about
15,000 subscribers, representing all possible ages,
genders, professions and hobbies. One of the most active
areas on the system is the bikers conference, with some
200 and odd (and some very odd) members.
When gathered in the flesh, the
conference rejoices in the cognomen Team Waste,
which is best described as a sort of high-speed
party-and-piss-taking outfit. Many other activities have
spun off from Team Waste, including the West Country
element - Team Yokel - and
the recent efforts at industrial archeology which have
brought back to the public consciousness the magnificent
engineering achievements of the Hurley-Pugh
Motor Bicycle Company of Scunthorpe.
A number of characters populate the
conference, including the world-famous Brown Overall,
the Parts Storeman From Hell, who always sells you the
wrong thing, knows immediately how you could have done a
difficult and detailed repair job in half the time and at
a quarter of the price (afterwards) and is constantly
prepared to tell you all about the 1956 T110 and why it's
much better than any of those horrid modern things. Brown
Overall may be spotted from a distance by his brown
overall (!) and the half-smoked Woodbine tucked
discreetly behind his ear.
A concept which needs to be understood
is the Bunker. The Bunker is where the male
members of the conference take refuge when under periodic
attack from the female members. Bunker inhabitants
maintain that there is everything needed for a gracious
and refined lifestyle in there; given that they are all
male and that men tend to live like bears with furniture,
the female members doubt this.
A further fundamental concept is the
verb/noun/adjective/adverb "Haylock".
This, based on the supposed exploits of one Ken Haylock, is quite
slanderously applied to anything that goes horribly
wrong. Hence, by extension, the occasional award of the
Golden Haylock for a spectacular crash, an appalling
piece of bum maintenance or a disastrous cock-up of any
description. Mr Haylock is understood to take a
philosophical view of his immortalising in this
manner....
All sorts of small groups have spun off as
integral parts of Team Waste - Team Thames, The Northamptonshire
Mafia, the newly-formed Welsh Splinter - but the differences
are insignificant.
Ideally, there should be many
embarrassing photographs taken, which will then be
uploaded to the conference for all to smirk at:
It is also important to bear in mind
that, although there is a certain amount of banter, any
motorcyclist (or, indeed, anyone interested, or not
interested, in motorcycles) is welcome to join. The
conference contains everything from nervous learners to
fearless superbike pilots, all having a crack and
enjoying each others' company. If this sounds like
something you might like to try, have a look at Cix and see about
joining. It's not just bikers' wibble - it's probably the
best-kept secret among computery types anywhere - a
15,000 strong virtual community which has incredible
resources of knowledge and helpfulness. Well worth the
few quid a month. Keep a look out for the "Team
Waste" number-plates!
Currently, other chunks of the Bikers' conference on
the Web can be found at:
Team Yokel is a loose grouping of
bikers, based in the West Country and including such
luminaries as Andy B, with
an enormous collection of exotic motorcycles, Jerry with his Triumph Daytona, Rob with the gnarly
black-and-yellow-BMW-trailie-type thing, Dave
H with his VFR, Terry, busy rebuilding Frix's old XS1100, me with
the Blade and a number of others, all too shy to be outed
on the Web. Recent exploits include the Welsh Wales Hoon,
which was immortally described by Tony Sleep as "a
loosely-connected series of criminal offences" and
which included the terrifying Black Mountain Run and
doing ten miles to Monmouth in something under five
minutes ("Well, I know, Officer, but, you see, I was
chasing him to draw his attention to the speed
limit...") and Your Humble Narrator's minor
falling-out with the Avon & Somerset Constabulary,
two stalwart members of which, in a BROWN VAUXHALL OMEGA,
decided that an average of 106 mph while slowing down for
the M32 from the M4 merited a stiff talking-to and a long
yellow form. Bugger.
Update - November - still no Long
Brown Envelope.
Further Update - December - still
no Long Brown Envelope, but indications are that Jan 20
is The Day Of Reckoning. Bugger.
Predictably, it
certainly was and the upshot was £200 + £50 costs and a
two-week ban. No points, though!
Hurley-Pugh
Hurley-Pugh Motor Bicycles were produced in
Scunthorpe, using only components procured from the
Empire, from 1913 until 1943. The brainchild of the
gifted engineer Alaric Pugh and the famous entrepreneur
Sir John Hurley, the detail of the factory's output may
be found on Trevor
Wood's website: The
Hurley-Pugh Owners' and Enthusiasts' Club.
Please sign the Guestbook
....and, as a special service:
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